—It can’t be.- he repeated.
They were both looking at the piece of paper.
—Why not? What makes you feel so sure about that?
—She...she never would have done something like that. - He shook his head.- She is...she was someone sweet, happy. She was...she was like a soda drink. Bubbly.
“Y’know, like one of those sparkling drinks. She sparkled with life, shining. She made you feel alive, just like those little bubbles when they go down your throat. She would come, half jumping, half running. She would come and bright your day...She did it, always. And...She won’t do it again...”
He was now almost crying. His eyes had that special kind of glow, the glow she had learned to detect as fastly as possible while years passed. They were tears, but of a special kind. Regret.
Although she already knew the answer, she asked the question. It was that the way how things were done, how they had to be done. There were reasons.
—Did you ever tell her?
He gave a little jump, startled, as if he had forgotten he wasn’t alone.
—Tell her? Tell her what?
—What you just told me. Or what you just told yourself. About herself.- He looked as if he was going to answer, but didn’t have a chance, as she continued talking.- No, of course you didn’t.
“You probably did tell her things about herself, though. Things like how she talked too much, or was never still.”
“You probably scolded her about not leaving you alone, about never letting you breathe.”
Her tone was harsh, but her words were even worse. Her face, that seemed that of an angel minutes ago, had changed. It was still beautiful, but now it was full of fury, of hate.
“You killed her. Yes, she held the knife, she wrote the note. But you, and everyone who did the same as you, all of you. You’re the ones who actually killed her.”
She closed her eyes, and took deep breaths. Finally, she spoke. There wasn’t any more anger, but her voice was f i lled with sadness - it was f i lled until the top, spilling over her words.
—Listen. You said she was like soda. But, you know how, if you let soda open for a long time, the gas disappears? You can’t leave the bottle open. You must close it, so it goes away slower.
“Even if you do that, it will slowly fade away, so you can put more soda inside. New soda, just opened, that has all its gas. That way, you can keep the same drink for a long time.”
“Do you understand? You can’t just take, you must also give. If she makes you happy, tell her. If she makes your life better, tell her. I’m not saying you should have shut up about the bad. But also should have said the good stuff , the stuf f that kept you with her. Some people need that.”
Sadness. That was what her voice gave away, but her eyes, that had slowly opened again, weren’t there. She looked as if she was far, far away, so far that he couldn’t possibly reach out to her if he tried.
—Listen, I know what I talk about.Never, ever, let this happen again.- She swallowed.- Even if it doesn’t happen again, you’ll feel guilty until the day you die. So let’s not let the burden you will carry become heavier.
“Our guilt...our guilt will always be here, always. The only think we can do...is giving their deaths a meaning. Hers, the one I caused, and all the ones that happen. We must understand why they happened. We must prevent them from happening again.”
He looked at his hands, then back at the note. There was one single word, written with pen. The letters were wobbly, as if the writer had been shaking, and the paper was kinda rigid were tears had dried.
“Goodbye.”
