"How can I feel better?"

oday, I would like to ask a pretty simple question. Simple questions, of course, don't usually have simple answers, so this won't be as easy as you may think.
My question hasn't been answered yet, by no one. If it were that you can answer... Well, I can't promise wealth, or luck. I'm no magician, no millionare, But I can swear to my heart, if you find the answer, you will have my gratitude, not for now, but for eternity. How can an answer for a simple question be so important, you may be wondering. But first, please, hear me out.

My simple, humble question, is none other than the title.

You may be thinking, that it is not simple at all - rather, it is really, really complicated. But it is simple. What's complicated is the answer, how to explain it, express it, make it real.

Don't be fooled. I'm not saying I do not ever feel good. I'm asking for a way of breaking out of this sadness, of this layer of grief, that follows me anywhere I go. Sometimes, it looks like it has gone away. But no, oh no - it's always there, may it be hidden or in plain sight. It attacks when I'm unaware, hurting me, making me feel awful. And that doesn't really matter to me, but what it really does, is that it makes me hurt my loved ones. May it be because they don't like seeing me like that, or the worse option, because the grief takes out the worse of me. And I hurt them.

I hate it.

I want to feel better.